he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
