Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
