he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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