remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
