I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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