You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize
