it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize