I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
