Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
