Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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