the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
