I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
