so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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