This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
