i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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