Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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