There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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