between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
