Whatcha textin bout Willis?
farters have to be the big spoon...
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
