youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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