As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize