a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
worst night to have a conscience
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
