His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
