She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
