I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
