Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
"it" just moved
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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