All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
is that a dick in a sweater?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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