You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
We left an ass print on the piano.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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