When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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