Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
