i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
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