i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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