i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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