So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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