Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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