I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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