Duck Duck Cougar?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
