I cut my penus on the lid.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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