i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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