its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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