I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
