Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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