You just made me feel so damn special
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
