Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
