I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
