My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
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in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
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I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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