So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
