This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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