The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
