Princesses don't give blow jobs
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
