I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina