I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
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I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.