my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Still dying that you shit outside
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!