the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
