hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
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You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
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I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian