i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.