I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
