he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal