I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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