I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
