I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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