we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
