this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
can u get pink eye on your cock?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
