i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
