you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
