do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
we're making bets on your personal life
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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