Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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