Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You left your underwear on the fireplace
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I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
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female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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