maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
