After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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