I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
