So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
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We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
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Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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